Resting in Her

In meditation this evening,
I laid down on the floor
and I cradled my head in my hands –
cupping my head ever so gently
as though I were holding a newborn.
Slowly,
I touched the back of head,
sides of my head,
and forehead.
The image of my mother
holding my head as a newborn came to me.
I sensed how she must have cradled my head in her hands
ever so gently and lovingly so many times.
I imagined how my newborn body would have
rested in her hands.
Surrendering completely.
Trusting completely.
I imagine the Great Mother holds us like this
in every moment
inviting us to experience such tenderness
so we can rest in Her —
safely in Her arms.

Lisa McCrohan, MA, LCSW-C, SEP

Right now, at the start of a new semester, amid the global pandemic, anxiety is high.  I feel it.  I feel it in my own self. I feel it in the energy and stories clients share with me in integrative psychotherapy and coaching. Yet our nervous systems are taxed.  I hear how from others and see in myself how we can get overwhelmed more easily and quickly.  There are a lot of unknowns and “newness.”  Our nervous systems are trying to acclimate to this “new norm.”  And it’s hard for us to be in certainty.

These last few weeks, I have been pouring my time and heart into preparations for holding space for a soulful community of women who will join my new experience, Soul Fuel.  To be honest, I have found myself slipping into “perfection mode” as the Inner Critic rears its head, making me question every little millisecond of the videos I am making, how I hold my head, my tone of voice, if I should have said this or that….  I want to “get it right,” knowing fully well that there is no one “right” — there is only authentic surrender to what the Divine wants to offer through me.

Yes, I could (and often do) obsess over every little thing.  I love supporting people and helping them to go deeper into their own experience of the Divine Within to kindle their inner light and to let that light shine.

I have admitted to myself several times over the last few weeks that the obsessing, worrying, wanting to perfect everything, is a way of trying to control what I cannot:  other people’s actions, opinions, and impressions — as well as a way of trying to control the Universe.

Some people talk of “manifesting.”  Manifesting abundance. Manifesting the love you want in your life. Manifesting the peace you’d like to have. Manifesting the job you want. Manifesting your dream being realized.  You name it, you can find a way for whatever you want to “manifest.”

But I’ve often seen how the notion of “manifesting” can just be another way of playing on our oh-so-human desire to control everything and to predict with certainty the outcome of our lives. I’ve held space for clients who say, “There must be something wrong with me because *I* can’t manifest this.”  It can leave people in a perpetual cycle of trying-failing-trying-failing and feeling like there is something wrong with them — and, even worse — that they could not be loved, they have been rejected, or that they aren’t “good enough.”

I believe in alignment with the Divine, for sure.  My whole life is one of devotion — listening to and humbling honoring what I hear the Divine inviting me into…to take the soul risk to follow the Divine into the unknown.There are some in the “manifesting” world that are about this, too.  I believe in the power of energy and vibration.  I believe in a Sacred Mystery and forces that we cannot fully understand.  I believe in “right effort” — recognizing the human agency and influence I have within me to align my actions, heart, and intentions with the Divine.

BUT then….the sacred call isn’t for ME to manifest, but rather to SURRENDER.

Right effort must flow into sacred surrender.

Surrender.  Surrender isn’t as easy (or popular) of a thing to do as manifest.  Let me DO something!  Let me feel the energy of having control!  Let me run away from (push down, ignore, avoid, try to hide from) the fact that while I do have INFLUENCE and AGENCY, I do not have much control.  We do NOT like feeling that way.

Anxiety is running high in our world right now because we are confronting our fear of being out of control.

And ohhhh we spend a lot of time and energy trying to run from this fear.

The irony is that when we PAUSE, acknowledge this fear, and begin to relate to it in a healthy way, fear has less control over us!  We get real with ourselves.  And this kind of Real feels like Home.  We sense, somewhere deep inside of us, a letting go of TRYING to manifest and rather SURRENDER INTO the arms of the Great Mother, Mystery, Universe, and Unknown.

I found the above poem today in my files as I was anxiously looking for a poem to share with you all about the essence of Soul Fuel.  I read it and reread it again.  It was a sacred call from Beyond to “drop into sacred trust” — to surrender, let go, and lead from this sacred place.

I got up, went for a walk outside, pet the dog, made some breakfast, and got our family ready for the day.  And as I started the morning, I intentionally — with every step and breath — let go into Her — let go into the Great Mother (as if I ever left!  What an illusion!).  My anxiety and my breath started to slow down.  I began to tap back into the sacred strength flowing through me — the kind of strength that has nothing to do with my ego and stamina, and has everything to do with Sacred Surrender.  I rested again in the fact that the Great Mother has me in her arms — my head, heart, body, ideas, hopes, dreams, words, and leadership — in her arms.

I am called to “right effort.”  Such right effort has been listening for how the Divine wants to “manifest” THROUGH me.  It looks like me taking the soul risk to show up, open my arms to you, and say, “Please, come join us in Soul Fuel.” 

It’s asking you to be a part of an oh-so-human experience of being in the messiness of life — and UNdoing and UNdoing — and surrendering…dropping into Sacred Trust of the Divine Within You. And resting.  Resting in Her arms. And surrendering. Then rising. Rising in authentic power, light, and truth.

The sacred antidote to anxiety in these times right now is to show up, listen within, put forth “right effort,” and then….rest.  Trust.  Surrender.  So your light rises and shines as the Divine would have it be — FOR you and THROUGH you.

Tomorrow, Monday, August 24, 2020, Early Bird Registration opens for Soul Fuel, my five month EXPERIENCE for a group of soulful women who want to be in this sacred messiness of this human experience of listening within, honoring our bodies as temples of the Divine, kindling our light, and surrendering to how the Divine wants to shine in you and through you.

If this sounds like what your body and soul need right now, I hope you will join me.  You can find out more here:

 

 

Blessings,
Lisa

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