I’m going to be really honest here because I believe the spiritual call of being a leader is showing our humanity – our vulnerability (and also letting our light shine! That’s another post!). And today I want to share one of the negative core beliefs that has been with me my whole life.
The other day, I saw a picture of Brene Brown and her team for an online program of hers.
And my heart sank for a moment.
Here’s why: I thought, “Oh my gosh, no wonder she is able to offer so much. She has 11 people! She has 11 staff people to do her marketing, to do her technical work, to help her create her programs, and anything else she needs! And that probably is not even her whole team for all the other things she offers! Gosh, I have ZERO paid full time staff. it’s just me. And then Brian sometimes when he isn’t working his ‘real’ job. And my web designer, Rachel.”
And I felt so alone.
I felt hopeless, too.
But then, I lifted my head up off my desk and my heart began to open just a bit, “But I have PEOPLE!” I started to tell myself. “I have soulful people who are so so about the poetry, writings and messages flowing through me! I have people who love me.” And I started to name specific people’s names, like:
I have my family, who are all about me and seeing Gems of Delight come into the world.
I have Judy, whom I can call any time, in any mood, with any question, and she will calmly listen and offer ideas.
I have Jenn, who SEES me and articulates what she sees with such divine eyes that I come away feeling more aligned with the Divine Within Me and trusting what that voice.
I have Jenn, who walks with me at our children’s soccer practice and tells me how Spirit is totally shining through my poetry.
I have Julie, who is quiet and “salt of the earth” – who steadily, quietly supports me by commenting on my posts, bringing tea to our yoga experience I lead, and is “behind the scenes” helping all the time
I have Rachel, whom I can email, text, or call and ask for help with technical stuff that makes me so anxious.
I have Tommy, who is making my Kickstarter video and spending hours creating it as his offering to the Campaign!
I have the GoD Squad! As of today, I have
42 — now 97! – soulful people who have voluntarily signed up to support Gems of Delight getting to print and going out into the world!
And then I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I actually felt divinely held!!!
You see, for me, I am in a place of “ego” when I DON’T believe how loved I am. “Ego” is what tells me that my writing isn’t good enough. “Ego” is me playing small.
But I am in a place of alignment with “Spirit” when I look up outside myself to see the love that is all around me. “Spirit” is when I remember that these writings are from the Divine. “Spirit” is me allowing the messages and prayers to “play big” and let them go out into the world. “Spirit” is remembering that I am never alone.
I’ll be honest with you all:
One of my big negative core beliefs is that I am alone.
I was alone for awhile when I was a newborn because I was jaundiced, and back then, they taped my eyes shut and put me under a lamp. I was alone when I was a young child and I got lost in the woods at dusk and into the night. I was alone on the X-ray table after a boy had slammed a baseball bat into the back of my head and the tech told me I just had to lay still. I was alone sitting in the cafeteria in my new middle school after I had been bullied at the Catholic school in the new town we lived in and then, after switching to the public school, I got kicked off the lunch table and sat alone. I was alone after 32 hours of labor when Brian couldn’t be in the O.R. and they couldn’t get the spinal in my back. I was alone at home with a newborn when Brian had to go back to work after baby was born and I was still healing from so much pain.
So you see, I can easily default to “I’m alone in this.” Especially when I am in a vulnerable place. Like now – with a Kickstarter campaign about to begin and I have to actually ask people to help me not be so alone! And I’m scared I’m asking too much.
Like now – with my first book coming out. And I’m afraid people will think I’m about promoting “me” when really this whole book was me “listening to the Divine within” and it’s actually about allowing that divinely inspired work to go out further into the world.
But then, when I listen within, I remember: “Lis, you are never alone.”
I wasn’t actually alone after I was born. My parents’ love was all around me – even if I was separated from them for awhile. My grandmother’s love was still woven within me as she had passed away while I was in utero. My grandfather’s arms were waiting to hold me for two years before he passed away.
I wasn’t actually alone when I was lost in the woods. My dad’s determined love was literally calling for me in the night and reaching out to find me while he walked through the woods on foot and helicopters flew in the air to find me.
I wasn’t actually alone on the X-ray table with a huge knot in the back of my head. My family’s love was flowing in from behind the closed door.
I wasn’t actually alone in those awful times of being bullied in the new town in middle school. (Okay. Maybe I was there! Just kidding!). My family’s love kept me from, well, from believing the shit the kids said and what all could’ve resulted from that.
I wasn’t actually alone in the operating room. All my angels, the spirits of my grandparents and the Holy Spirit were all with me. People were praying for us. Our parents were up late just outside the door. Brian’s love was flowing right into that freezing O.R. to warm me.
I wasn’t actually alone when Brian went back to work and I was having such a hard time recouping and still in shock from a traumatic birth experience. My parents and in-laws came. They’d drive up from Virginia and put everything aside to be with me as much as they humanly could. My “tribe” from Boston individually flew in to help us. New people we were just meeting in our new town of Frederick made us meals.
And I’m not actually alone now in this Kickstarter Campaign and the launching of my book, Gems of Delight! I have my people!
I’ve had enough spiritual experiences now at age 43 to KNOW – deep in my bones – that I am not alone. Awhile back, I had a dream where an angel told me that I was going to die but showed me how she is with me up until the moment I exhale my last breath and then her hand touches the hand of the next angel who seamlessly comes to hold me and take me from this life to the next. In the dream I got it: I am never actually alone. Even if I feel alone or no one is around. I am never alone.
But there are times when that old default of believing those negative core beliefs comes up. And it takes pausing that rant inside my head, looking up, seeing the love around me, naming that love, and allowing myself to feel it.
It’s then that I remember and tap into the Holy Truth: I am never actually alone.
And so, dear ones, I get it. Those old negative core beliefs can be pretty powerful. They seem most powerful when we are vulnerable. And we can spend a lifetime trapped in their grip. So we avoid situations that make us feel vulnerable. We smell even the hint of that old negative core belief being triggered. That scared part of us is constantly on the lookout to spot how that belief can be reinforced again and again, in order to say, “See, it’s true. You really are…..”
Trapped in negative core beliefs is why people never write the novel they were born to write. It is why people keep the art locked inside of them. It is why people don’t stand up and speak out. It is why people become bitter, drink, numb out, and…kill themselves.
Okay so where’s the hope with our negative core beliefs? What do you do when that voice of the negative core belief is loud, when ego would have you believing those negative beliefs?
The Includers Approach to Healing Negative Core Beliefs:
The vortex of negative core beliefs will suck you in so darn fast. It’ll take the reins so quickly and start leading you down the path of “I’m not good” or “it’ll always be this way” or “I should just not even try.” You have to pause.
Stand up and declare to the negative belief, “I see you. And I know you are scared. It’s okay, Love.”
Yep. Don’t try to dominate that negative core belief. That is an antiquated, unhealthy hyper “power over” approach. It doesn’t work. And it takes a lot more energy. Instead, practice the “Includers” approach.
2. Look up.
When we are sucked into that vortex, we are myopically focused inward. Come on out! Bring your attention to outside of you for a moment. Looking up “widens the lens” you are looking through so you can see more than just the usual path of self-deprecation and stuckness.
3. See the love around you.
As you look up, look for love. Fear, Ego, and that negative core belief won’t want to! But put your attention on what love is in your life.
4. Name that love.
To help you stay focused and take back the reins, start to specifically name the love in your life.
5. Allow yourself to feel it.
This is crucial. Notice how it feels IN YOUR BODY to feel the love in your life.
I shared this with one of my Compassion Coaching clients this past week. “Yes! It feels like a vortex, Lisa!” she said. And then she went on to say, “Ohhhh this is good! A ‘power over’ approach doesn’t work! I love this! Look up! I’m so locked in my own world inside my head that I don’t even see the love around me! Oh I love this!”
And now you have this Includers Approach to HEALING Negative Core Beliefs, too!
And next time one of those negative core beliefs pops up, you’ll know how to respond with love and inclusion, while You hold the reins.
The Kickstarter Campaign for bringing Gems of Delight to print and into the world is here! Would you like a copy? Check out the reward levels and be a part of this movement of bringing more delight, compassion, and connection into the world!