I am barefoot now, feeling the grass between my toes,
the warm sun against my shoulders.
I watch my daughter snap on her helmet with little hands
that seem much older than a week ago
and get onto her scooter.
My son zips by me on his big-boy bike.
“Mom, do you see me?!” he asks,
eyes bright, alive.
I feel my heart suddenly arrive right here,
my breath drawing my attention to this
precious, fleeting moment.
I am quiet
noticing the little curls sticking out from under her helmet,
his strong legs – how they so seamlessly peddle faster and faster,
the light in his adventurous eyes,
the angelic way she calls me
“This is holy,” I say to myself, “This is what matters.”
Moments ago I was lost
trying to get too much done, too quickly.
There are dishes to wash, deadlines to meet,
worries that keep me tense and my belly in knots,
regrets that flood my mind late at night when all is quiet.
I choose to stay right here.
And as I do, the aching truth of this “holy now” fills my heart.
I could fall to my knees and kiss the ground
with my whole body grieving,
but my lips can only whisper,
Breathing in blessing, breathing out blessing. This is prayer.
Prayer as deep as sitting in silence on retreat wrapped in my prayer shawl.
Now the “everyday” is my church, my meditation cushion.
My children and my beloved are my prayer shawl,
drawing me into the very space within my heart
where I touch Home.
I want to notice these gems in my everyday life
amidst the mess and imperfect.
I want to let go of anything
that keeps me from embracing my life and this world
with a delight-filled heart.
I want to arrive right here –
in this holy now –
fully present, awake, gentle,
pushing nothing away,
allowing “what is”
to free my soul.
Hafiz was right:
“One regret, dear world,
that I am not willing to make
when I am lying on my deathbed
is that I did not kiss you enough.”
It is delighting in this very moment
that nourishes my soul
tethering me to,
reminding me of,
who I am.
This is my path.
To walk, to notice,
to wake up in such a way
that I am so aligned with the one prayer of my Heart:
to be and embody Delight.
All these years, searching for
wholeness, rest, and happiness
only to arrive right here
in this very moment
I like to think in terms of seasons. I hear the invitation of the season that is approaching about a month before it officially is here. That’s when I start listening. I turn inward and ask, “What do I need to be about this season?” And I listen to what my inner wisdom — what I call the Divine Within, Spirit, the Beloved — reveals to me.
Some times it is something “I” (small “I”) want to hear. Other times (and most often), what I hear challenges the surface desires of the egoic self . Always what I hear goes against the cultural norm to “push ahead”, “push through,” “keep going,” “try harder,” and “do more.”
The unfolding of the Soul is slow “work.” Staying true to and aligned with our Inner Wisdom takes intention and…I’d say COURAGE. Courage because the pressure to stay busy is strong. The pressure to define “success” in terms of monetary or professional status is in the water. And often, not too many other people are devoting themselves to the slow(er) work of the Soul. It can be lonely. While your cohorts are out there achieving, volunteering, rising higher, and buying bigger houses, your Soul calls you to slow down, let go of grasping, and create the time to rest, reflect, be nourished, and connect inward.
That’s not too popular of a choice!
And yet if you are reading this blog post, if somehow you found yourself here, if you’ve been following this blog for awhile, you have heard this sacred inward call. You have felt the longing to pause. You have imagined what it would be like to really rest and reconnect to what is most sacred (and important) to you. You find yourself running around, too busy to pause, having no time to really connect — and in it all, there is a consistent, steady Whisper within you calling out to you through the distractions, through the numbing addiction to scrolling your Facebook feed, and back into the Soul of What Matters.
Our family is active. I have dreams of blog posts, books, programs to lead, and projects to undertake. And yet, I cannot be too busy to pause or my soul withers. I react instead of respond to my dear ones. I get sucked into the distractions that take me outward rather than inward. And I do not want to live that way.
So at the start of each season, I ask that sacred question, “What do I need to be about this season?” And always a Truth rises up within me. And though I may not want to hear this truth, I can’t deny it. Though it may call me into unconventional waters, I know what I must do. And I must honor it.
This summer — like most summers — I am called to adventures, writing sacred poetry every morning, and spending time playing and deeply enjoying my dear ones. I am called to be outside and sweat. I am called to “listen to what delights my heart” through PLAY. And to play requires that I drop the “efforting” of the mind to figure things out and instead….well, play.
Isn’t it funny that it can be such a challenge to actually be here and ENJOY this moment? To play? To wake each morning and do what you love and enjoy being with your dear ones?!
And yet, so few of us actually live this way.
I would imagine that there is a Sacred Invitation of the season calling to you, too. It may not be what you want to hear, but it’s what your SOUL knows you NEED. It may not be what your friends are doing. It may seem impossible and you might quickly dismiss it as frivolous or ridiculous. And yet, Something Sacred within you knows that to follow this Inner Wisdom is the right thing to do for your nervous system, your mind, your heart, your relationships, and the evolution (or unfolding!) of your Soul.
Right now before summer starts, ask yourself, “What do I need to be about this season?” And listen. Listen and then follow what you hear. Devote this summer to the sacred response you hear.
This, my friends, is holy. This is what matters. And this is where we discover (reclaim and embody) that, actually, to follow what delights your heart is “easier” than going against your Inner Wisdom. And we may discover that trying, reaching, grasping, working hard to “figure it out, and resisting the call inward are what keep us feeling incomplete, exhausted and unhappy. We may find ourselves arriving “right here, in this very moment, completely free.”
Dear Ones, for a post on how I often spend my summers and to inspire you, too, here is a post.