“My beloved child, break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart.
You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your vitality.
The time has come. Your time. To celebrate. And to see the goodness that you are.
You, my child, are divine. You are pure. You are sublimely free.
You are God in disguise. And you are always perfectly safe.
Do not fight the dark. Just turn on the light.
Let go, and breathe into the goodness that you are.”
– Swami Kripalvanandaji (Bapuji)

Turning 40 this year, I’ve entered into a new “club” — a community of women all over the world — a club that any woman can join.  It’s the “I am more my authentic self each day” club.  It’s the “I’m done being harsh with myself” club.  It’s the “I am growing into and embodying my magnificent, sensual, powerful self” club.  And it’s the “join with me” club.

Now-a-days, when I find myself getting wrapped up in old habits of thinking, listening to old voices in my head, I just give them love.  More and more.  Yes, even the voice of the harsh critic.  Even the “I’m a horrible….(fill in the blank)” self-judgment voice.  They just want love.  So I give it to them.

It’s like when I hear a parent in therapy or coaching say, “My child is just doing that for attention.”  And I say, “Yes, so give it to her.  Go and embrace him, connect with her, give him your attention, show her you regard her with your eyes, arms, time and focus.”  What we resists persists.  Give him, her, the voice in your head— LOVE.

So I’m giving myself love, I’m showing myself compassion.  Every day.  Doesn’t matter if it goes against any cultural norm or “wise expert.”  What matters is me honoring my OWN heart.  Not someone else’s idea of how I should (that “should” be a four-letter word!) go about my day, what I should put my energy into, and how I should write, create, rest, work and love.

We can show ourselves compassion in simple ways everyday.  From what you say to yourself when you are naked and standing in front of the mirror before you jump in the shower, to what foods you choose to put into your body.  From what you clothe yourself in (like soft, sensual, natural fabrics that let you breathe and bring out your gorgeous mama-hips and curves), to the pace you go at in your day (running and crazy busy with barely time to breathe – or slower, creating time to linger).

Here are just five simple ways that we could have a bit of compassion for ourselves.  Feel free to add your own ways in the comments below.  This is how we “join the club” and support each other in nourishing ourselves.

1.  When you wake up, name three things you love about yourself.

When I started this, I was stumped at first. It had been a long time since I thought about what I love about MYSELF.  Every day I think about what I love about my kiddos.  But about me?!  Try this one out!

2. Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you really love.

The things we say to ourselves…my god, we wouldn’t say to our worst enemy.  When we soften the words we use with ourselves, we physically lighten up.  We let joy in.  We see the goodness in others.

From the movie, “Where the Wild Things Are.” LOVE all the wild, fearful, raging parts within you!

3.  Wear clothes that nourish you.

I don’t care if you have a stick figure or your have bodacious curves.  Whatever your body size, structure, state or the “season” of your body (and of motherhood!), wear clothes that make you feel GOOOOOOD and nourished.  Wear clothes that flow.  Clothes that allow you to breathe.

4.  Let your hair do what it wants.

Recently I got my haircut at a new place that specializes in curly hair.  OMG.  “Treat your curls like you would a cashmere sweater,” the owner of the salon said, quoting a book that all curly-haired women would regard as their bible!  I learned a whole new way of embodying sassy, sensual and owning my waves.  “It’s letting your hair do what it was born to do.”  Ahhhhhh!  There’s even mindfulness for hair styling!!! And I am toooootally loving my curls.  There is power to allowing your hair to do what is was born to do.

That’s me. A selfie. Embracing the waves and curls!

5.  Sing and dance.

We live in a culture that does not honor the wisdom of our bodies.  Yet for every single experience we have in life, a wordless story gets weaved into our muscles, tissues, organs and cells.  Our bodies yearn to move, to express, and to heal.  There are sounds within us that long to come out into the world.  The body has an innate wisdom and it knows how to heal – every hurt, every bit of anxiety, every fear.  So let your voice be heard.  Let your body move.

These sound sooooo simple (and they are!) but they are incredibly powerful.  When you do these every day — watch out world!  You are a powerful, sensual, wise and nourishing force for compassion, action, joy, and justice in this world!

Want to go deeper?  Here’s a post about a radical commitment to self-compassion.

GO BE LOVELY!

P.S. Need a little daily reminder to honor your heart? Check out these Gems on my shop.  I put these up in my work space, on my kitchen sink window sill, and all over our home…little reminders in a world of hurry, worry and busy to honor the whispers of our hearts.

Update 5/1/2017:  You can also now find signed copies of my first book, Gems of Delight, in my shop!