Most of the time, it’s just down right HARD for moms to be vulnerable – to show our imperfections, to let others in on the “secret” that you are not perfect. It can be scary to let others see that your thinking is all over the place, you feel neurotic at times, and yes, you, too feel alone and insecure.
It’s hard because most of the time we are living in our own little worlds, going about our day with little TRUE connection to others. It’s hard for moms to be vulnerable because we’re running around in our own car, doing the grocery shopping between drop-off and pick-up, trying to fit some work in, schedule doctor appointments and pick up new soccer cleats – doing it on our own.
And we can start to think, “Holy crap, is it just me?!”
And then you sit and have coffee with a friend that maybe took a whole month to plan and make happen.
Moms, you know that friend – someone who really is about you, who looks at you and sees your goodness – even if your hair is a mess, even when you share a story of something you aren’t proud of but is real and raw, even if you might sound insecure. That friend whom you can ask, “Can you help me figure this out?” Whether it has to do with your relationships, your work, your kiddos, your dreams – she gets you and supports you.
It takes less than an hour to feel heard, to be seen, to feel regarded…and refreshed – to go “back out there” and be in the world.
I had that kind of coffee date today.
So often in my work, I am used to the one doing the holding – the one doing the regarding and the “holding space.” I’ve noticed how it as grown hard for me to share, to be vulnerable, and to ask for someone to “hear me out” or “help me figure this out.” But every time I go into my vulnerability, acknowledge it’s there, AND still choose to open, I am met with such compassion.
It reminds me that we have to keep being vulnerable,
keep opening to a few close ones,
keep reaching out,
and keep asking for someone to just “be alongside us” in the everydayness of our lives.
Every single mom (well, and really – every single PERSON I know) needs spaces where she can be vulnerable, imperfect, not all together…and not be judged.
But that takes slowing down and SEEING our fellow moms – and listening to the need – spoken and unspoken.
THAT is a rare treasure in this culture of hurry where we are all so busy.
Well, I don’t want to be too busy to “not see.”
I don’t want to be so isolated in my own little world of thinking that I do not ask “to be seen.”
I know that there is a LOT wrong with this culture here in the U.S. There is an epidemic of loneliness. But I continue to be on a mission to cultivate and nourish community. And often it’s just with one look of regard as we pick up our kiddos from school, inviting a friend to “hear you out,” and making the time to be with each other.
So moms, let’s just assume that every other mama feels crazy at times, she wonders if she is a good mom, she doesn’t have it all together, she feels scared at times to show how alone or lost she is, and she could use a good cup of coffee…and a chat.
Friends, think of someone you know who you’d love to be around, get to know better, feel called to chat with? Call her up. Make the effort to sit and meet her face-to-face without the kiddos. Just you guys. Create the spaciousness to linger and be present, if only for half an hour. It’s nourishing and sooo fills your cup! Let her know how bravery isn’t about being fearless…it’s about showing up and being real. Send her a little message with one of these poetic inspirational cards on my Shop:
MA, LCSW-C, RYT
Mom. Compassion Coach. Psychotherapist. Delight Passionista.