Clients often come to me saying that they are overwhelmed and they have too much on their plate. We are also living in stressful and uncertain times in a society that is “on” 24/7. Our nervous systems never really get a break – a time to settle, integrate our experiences, and come back into a more regulated state.
When life feels like too much, your body is asking for you to take a break and come into presence. This is where the practice of Settle, Soften, and Soothe comes in.
These three words are like medicine for the nervous system. They guide you back home to yourself – to the steady, compassionate ground within you. They take you out of stress mode and into a nervous system state where you feel safe, your body and breath relax, and you are better able to make wise decisions.
Let me walk you through this practice:
Settle
Begin by settling into this moment.
Bring your attention into the body.
Feel your feet on the floor.
Feel the support of whatever you are sitting on.
Feel the integrity of your spine – the crown of the head rising up to the sky and the tailbone rooting down toward the earth.
Take a slow breath and let it move all the way down to your belly.
Let your senses anchor you here: the light in the room, the sounds around you, the feel of air on your skin. You’re not trying to fix or change anything. You’re simply arriving.
Let your body know: It’s okay to rest now for a bit.
Soften
Now, invite a gentle softening.
Soften your eyes.
Soften your jaw.
Soften your shoulders.
Invite the arms and hands to soften.
Soften any effort in your breathing, just let the breath breathe you.
Soften down through your body and into your belly.
Soften your legs, feet and toes.
Now soften your judgement – of self and others.
You might simply say to yourself, “I’m softening around that thought…and that one, too.”
Soothe
Finally, soothe what feels tender or tight –
physically, emotionally, or energetically.
This is the practice of offering comfort to your own heart.
You might gently place a hand where you feel any tension –
on your heart, your belly, your neck.
You might whisper:
“Ohhh, I see you.”
“Ohhh, yes, that hurts.”
“Of course I feel this way.”
This is how we bring love to what is difficult.
Through validation.
Through presence.
Through touch.
This isn’t about making the pain disappear. This is about building your capacity to stay with yourself and to build a new relationship to whatever might be hurting or suffering.
As you rest here, you might say softly: “This too.”
These two simple words remind you that whatever you’re feeling is part of being human. It supports a sense of equanimity within you.
Noticing the Shift
Notice what has shifted in you – even subtly. You might notice a sense of spaciousness, warmth, or ease. That’s your nervous system beginning to come into a state of repair, integration, safety, and connection. And that’s healing.
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When practiced regularly, Settle, Soften, and Soothe can become a rhythm of inner care – a way of living with gentleness in a world that often asks too much.
Each time you choose to come home to yourself in this way, you strengthen your capacity for compassion, presence, and peace. This is the work of nervous system healing. This is how we love ourselves whole.
This is how we enter into spaces with others with a more regulated nervous system. Imagine if your coworkers, friends, family, and people you met in your day practiced this. We’d create a whole new way of living. That’s what we are about here.
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Get more nourishment now:
My two books, Gems of Delight and Your Light is Rising, offer short reflections that are nourishing nuggets of daily love. Get resources here
I have FREE meditations on Insight Timer. Meditate with me
And if you long for further guidance, check out 1:1 coaching with me – info and pricing are all upfront and here on my website. Check it out first and then sign up for a 15 minute free consult. I am opening new spaces for fall.: 1:1 coaching
Blessings,
